Dating immediately after divorce

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For a couple of reasons: First, you are not putting all your eggs—or hopes—into one basket.Second, you can compare what you like and don't like."Tell a friend where you'll be and when you expect to be home, and meet for coffee in a public place," suggests Dr. He may have seemed great, but loses interest, or is dating someone else, or has problems you will never know about.Kirschner."Four out of five men you go out with will disappear," says Dr. Don't take it personally, and instead try to remember that if you're meeting a lot of people, the number of bad apples will go up—but so will the odds that you'll meet a few good apples, too. Kirschner recommends, at least to start with, dating several guys at the same time.A divorcée may also feel that there's something "wrong" with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. If that's the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, "visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, 'Stop! Possibly the last time you dated there wasn't even an Internet, much less Internet dating.

Whether it's been one year or six since the divorce decree, you may never know with absolute clarity that you're truly ready for another relationship.

Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man's intellectual stimulation.

"You can see what you might want in a relationship going forward," she says, even if it's not with any of these guys. "Just say, 'I'm enjoying dating you, but I want you to know that for now I'm also seeing others casually.'"Hopefully it's obvious to you that if you have children at home, you shouldn't bring dates around unless it's somewhat serious.

Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman.

Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays—not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups—is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. "A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to 'protect' her and now she has to go out into the world on her own," says Diana Kirschner, Ph D, author of .

"Most children just want their parent to be happy, and may be less likely to object than you imagine," she says.

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